I feel socially responsible to post the following blog. And to my four faithful readers (thanks mom!) - who I have probably already told anyway - I will feel as if I have done my part to raise a warning voice.
Whatever you do, don't sign up for a personal trainer at Gold's Gym!
I openly admit that I am crusty and likely totally out of line to this point, but I am actually of the belief that
all big gyms are bad (for additional references please see 'Story of My Life' the
Told by the 24 Hour Fitness salesman as a poor college student that I should buy a gym membership on credit chapter.). However, my story here relates specifically to Gold's.
One year ago, entirely unable to fathom the idea of spending one more 100+ degree day running outside, I decided to get a gym membership at Gold's. As a gym, I have found them lovely, and with very nice facilities (thank you cardio cinema). I was thusly offered a 'free trial' for a trainer. "Sure," I thought. "Sounds nice." Following the work out - and more importantly the body analysis - I was told that all my running was basically consuming my muscle and I was turning in to a complete blob. I felt so horribly about myself that they couldn't find the pen fast enough for me to sign my life away in order to find a trainer who could help me to reverse this process.

We will call him Thor.
(To the right is Google's interpretation of what Thor looks like)
Thor, although not a bosom-buddy, provided consistent workouts which always gave me the satisfaction of being sore for several days post-workout. That is, until he left. I went home for Christmas, and when I returned found out that he moved to Arizona. That's a whole different state.
For the next 6 months I tried to get a hold of someone, anyone, who could shed some light on how I could stop the bleeding that was coming from the monthly automatic withdraw of my bank account; all the while, never receiving a second of training service. It wasn't until I got a call that my credit card was about to expire and they needed updated account information that I was able to talk to a real person. Well, that person got it from me. In spite of my rage, my payments will not be refunded. I am simply to find a new trainer and make up for the lost time.
And that brings us to today. Having just moved to the new location, I am resuming my efforts to connect with the hulk who will whip me in to shape. Easier than it sounds. Before we can do anything they have to find my tracking record from Thor who moved seven months ago. One single solitary piece of paper, in one single solitary white binder, from a person who no longer exists. You would think we're trying to solve world hunger, pay off the national deficit or suck the smog from China with the level of difficulty involved in this process.
Moral of the story: just let your muscle keep eating itself.